The Arborist: A Horror Novella by the Newly-Rebranded P.T. Phronk

You might notice something different about me. That’s right, I’ve got some new letters in front of my name. I’m now known as “P.T. Phronk” instead of just “Phronk.”

There are a few reasons for the change. Some book stores (like Apple) require a first name for the listing. It looks better on a cover than the awkward “by Phronk.” Plus, for every person intrigued by an unusual single-name author, there are two people who just think it looks wrong and ignore it. So yeah, I’m giving in to the man, but only by two letters.

More importantly, I have a new book out. The Arborist is about a man haunted by a tree. I’ve always lived in cities, but felt that human need to be close to nature, even if it’s just a tree in the back yard. This book explores that urge, and what happens if it’s amplified by a tree that appears in the middle of the night, and is growing far too fast to be an ordinary tree.

I’d say The Arborist falls into the genre of “quiet horror.” If I’ve done my job, you will feel the lurking terror even if you don’t quite see it directly.

I also designed and illustrated the cover myself this time:

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I’m no professional cover designer, but I like how it turned out.

Get The Arborist on Amazon here. It’ll be on other stores soon; links will go here.

Oh, and if you’re wondering what P.T. stand for: nothing. Or many things. Part Time? Permanent Tourist? Phineas Taylor? Playable Teaser? Pug Tits? Who cares.

Fantasy & Science Fiction Sale(s)

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Phronk here. I’m part of a fantastic sale hosted RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK. There’s an entire crapload of sci-fi/fantasy/horror books for free or cheap, including my novel Stars and Other Monsters. Whoa.

Forest City Pulp is also having a low-key sale. Click here or search for us on Amazon to sample every one of our authors for free. There’s even a full-length novel on there. Holy shit.

Go forth and fill your brains for cheap. These sales will only last a day or two.

 

News from Phronk and Leonard Delaney (The Dirty Cheater)

Phronk here. I’m hard at work on the sequel to Stars and Other Monsters, which, in case you’ve forgotten, is the latest novel in the vampires-and-dogs-and-celebrities genre. The second Other Monsters book is shaping up to take things in even more unclassifiable directions.

A cover reveal and title reveal are coming soon.

In the meantime, Leonard Delaney has been busy. His Minion erotica is now out as an enhanced standalone book, the fifth Digital Desires is an experiment that evolves as you read it, and he’s gotten into current event porn with satire on the ongoing Oregon occupation. A bunch of these are also in a new collection that I designed the cover and print interior for. It’s illustrated and retro and nice, so I’m pretty proud of it. Click below for each of these:

Minions CoverReviews Cover.001Ranchers.001.smallPop_Culture_Value_Combo_V2 

He’s also been running around and cheating with other small presses. New Kink Books is embracing this new wave of bizarro erotica, and has just released Strange Sex 3, a collection featuring some of the greatest bizarro authors out there. Lenny’s story “The Office Photocopier Wants to Fuck Me” is one of his best ever, and included in the collection (as its tag line, in fact). I’m reading the other stories, and some of these are really fucked up, you guys.

Check it out:

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More news “coming” soon. Hah.

Catching Up With Leonard Delaney

Phronk here. I’ve been terrible about updating this blog with new releases. I’ll catch up eventually, but for now, here are a few of the latest from Leonard Delaney:

Womanized by Idris Elba Playing James Bond

Idris Cover.001Idris Elba is finally playing James Bond, and wow, he’s perfect for the role. Emmy admires his suaveness from the sidelines as she works on the movie set—and tonight, she’s working late. Idris Elba may play the perfect spy, but Emmy has a dangerous secret: she’s actually a spy.

An ancient Hollywood cabal is taking over the studio, and Emmy is in over her head when she faces a hoard of bad guys with guns, a suitcase containing a shadowy secret, and a distractingly sexy Idris Elba. It’s a cinematic clusterfuck that can only be escaped using the ultimate spy gadget: love.

Get double-O excited for this erotic thriller, featuring heart-thumping action, powerful intrigue, and a variety of sexual positions with Idris Elba as he plays the character James Bond. Careful; this short story is for super mature audiences only.

It’s exclusive to Amazon for now: Amazon.com | Amazon.ca

Pounded by Pluto

Pluto Cover.001“I don’t want to live on this planet any more.” It’s a common thought after seeing what ridiculous crap gets published on the Internet. Well, astrophysical adventurer Tyson DeNeil Grassbone is taking it literally and moving to Pluto, which can’t be any worse than Earth.

He’s in for a surprise when Pluto wants to engage in a little seismic activity. The only question is: wait, what? How?

Pounded by Pluto is a 5000 word short story with universal appeal. It kicks off the epic space opera of Leonard Delaney’s The Planets.

Available now on Amazon: Amazon.comAmazon.ca

There is much more. Did you catch Leonard’s debut freelancing for Buzzfeed? It’s here: The Minions In Me. (Yes, it’s minion erotica). He’s also working on other stuff, both online and in print of various types. Stay tuned.

I’m also hard at work on my stuff. Stars and Other Monsters will have a sequel someday soon, I promise. Stay tuned!

New Novel! Victor of Circumstance by Cal Chayce is Out Now

VICTOR_FOR_EBOOK-3Phronk here. I’m incredibly happy to welcome a new author to Forest City Pulp. Cal Chayce brings in some literary punch with Victor of Circumstance, a funny and thrilling small-town adventure. Here’s my take on it:

Like all good satire, Victor of Circumstance is exaggerated, but rooted in reality. The many characters draw from stereotypes, but even minor characters have quirks and depth that bring into question the real-life assumptions that stereotypes rely on. Yet there are clear villains—Donny Gudsen in particular is a cartoonish boor who could nonetheless be found in today’s news headlines.

The story is cinematic in feel, reminiscent of great comedies like Groundhog Day and Vacation. When all of the characters played their part in the meticulously orchestrated finale, it made me want to stand up and cheer.

Victor of Circumstance is funny and touching. Anyone who gives it a chance is sure to have a good time.

Don’t just believe me.

“Brimming with well-observed critiques of modern life, Victor of Circumstance has some laugh-out-loud moments and satire reminiscent of John Kennedy Toole.”
—Mark A. Rayner, author of The Fridgularity

Buy Victor of Circumstance: Amazon.com | Amazon.ca. Add it on Goodreads while you’re at it.

Taken By the Tetris Blocks: It’s Tetris Porn, Somehow

I am so very proud of my latest short story, Taken by the Tetris Blocks. While playing a block-based game on my iPhone telephone, I thought to myself, “how could this be more sexual?” It occurred to me that nobody ever writes erotica about inanimate digital objects, even though it’s a really really good idea. So I took it upon myself, and here it is:

Tetris Cover.001

You can buy or borrow it:

Taken by the Tetris Blocks on Amazon.com

Taken by the Tetris Blocks on Amazon.ca

(Or any other Amazon site)

This will probably change the world, so go read it now before it’s even cool. Oh, and leave a review! Even if you didn’t like it … though this is my third book, so I’m pretty sure I know what I’m doing.

Thanks. Soggy hugs,

Leonard

Stars and Other Monsters: New Hand-Crafted Artisanal Cover

Phronk’s debut novel, Stars and Other Monsters, has a new cover! It’s hand-illustrated by the wonderfully talented Keith Draws, who was a joy to work with, and will be back for the sequel (now in progress). I think this perfectly captures the pulpy feel of the book, with all its horrifically twisted classic movie tropes. stars for kindle small Get the newly covered Stars and Other Monsters on Amazon today. The new print version will be there any day now, and it will be available from other book stores early in the new year. Happy holidays!

MOTHERFUCKING WIZARDS by Leonard Delaney: Cover Reveal and Preorder

Leonard here. My new book, MOTHERFUCKING WIZARDS, is out on October 4th. You can preorder it on Amazon right here. Now, you may be wondering, “is Leonard mad at the wizards?” No, I am not calling them MOTHERFUCKING WIZARDS in anger, but out of respect. Next you may wonder, “do the wizards have sexual relations with their moms?” That would have been a clever pun, but no. MOTHERFUCKING WIZARDS does, however, feature some steamy erotic scenes with women who are teachers. Perhaps that will excite you. As will this cover:
Wizards Cover.001Any relations to other books about boy wizards or content in vulgar card games are entirely unintentional. Preorder MOTHERFUCKING WIZARDS today please.

Author Interview with Phronk

A nice interview with Phronk about horror, writing, and his fear of phones.

Judy Goodwin

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Two things on this busy Friday: I have a Countdown deal on my epic fantasy novel, Journey To Landaran, on Amazon today through Sunday and currently being featured on Indie Book Bargains: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IO7IXSC

 Indie Book Bargains

And second, I have horror writer Phronk, here to do an author interview! He’s hilarious, so please enjoy, and have a great weekend.

Thanks very much! My answers are below. For links, my web site at http://www.phronk.com and my Twitter profile at http://www.twitter.com/phronk are the best places to find me.

1.  So what got you writing in the first place?

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I’ve come across hand-written stories from when I was a little kid, and they were as bizarre and convoluted as the stories I write today. I guess I figured out early that when my brain fabricates a twisted collection of ideas, it’s better to rip it…

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New Short Story: Strangers at a Funeral by Phronk

Phronk here. My new short story, Strangers at a Funeral, is out now. It’s a young adult mystery with some horror sprinkled on top, and ties in with my novel, Stars and Other Monsters, if you know what to look for.

Funeral Cover.001

Brandon notices them at his grandpa’s funeral first: a pair of men in sunglasses who nobody seems to know. They’re not family, they’re not friends, they’re just … there. No big deal, until they show up again at the next funeral. Drawn into a world of funeral selfies and burial crashers, Brandon needs to know what these strangers want from the dead.

Only problem is, nobody gives a crap except him, and his school frowns upon skipping classes to watch people get buried. His sanity can’t take many more funerals, and those bulges in the strangers’ coats probably aren’t concealing anything pleasant.

If you want a little taste of Phronk, buy it for 99 cents or less:

Strangers at a Funeral at Amazon.com

Strangers at a Funeral at Amazon.ca

For those who prefer real paper and sweaty meatspace to this cyber junk, and are in London Ontario (the titular Forest City), I’m working on some live appearances. Stay tuned for details.